Awww man, writing that sounds so lame! But I can't help it, most of the guys I've been involved with -and I use that term loosely- in the past few months are just flipping falling into relationships. I mean WTF? It certainly makes ME feel like shit.
And I suppose it's because I feel like shit that I just act like an idiot. You know. Hooking up with my ex-best friend. And the chef where I work. And the manager of the place I used to work at. And the guy I had a crush on when I was 14. And my friend who I hooked up with last year. You know.
Of course it's fun. But it's not me. And even though I don't do anything, I end up feeling bad.
And then I see these guys all lovey-dovey with their girlfriends and I just feel sick. and sad. And angry. And a little bit ashamed.
And then I remember the guy who I dated for 6 months 2 years ago. How I didn't put my relationship status up on Facebook ("cos that's soooo lame for everyone to know my business") and how he left his status as "single". was it intentional? And how I felt like I wasn't good enough to even warrant him taking it down. And then I think of the only other guy I've really dated who cheated on me because as far as he was concerned we "weren't back together" and had a new girlfriend within weeks of me.
And that is when all my insecurities, about not being good enough and people pretending to like me, come crashing down around me. And the stupid coat of confidence and individuality that I wear exposes itself as a cheap fabric that tears when tears fall.
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