I suppose it started in Feb, when I met someone wonderful. However he fell for me almost immediately and it freaked me the eff out. I tried to be gentle but let it be known that I was only in the “friends market”. It worked out fine, we became close friends and it was never awkward. I always said “if he was Jewish, I’d totally date him”. We never hooked up, which kind of surprised me. (Not that I'm big on the random hookup thing but I truly don’t mind hooking up with my friends, provided the vibe is there-and it was quite obviously there with him and me. ) I think subconsciously I knew that if we ever hooked up we’d be perfect. We grew closer as the months went on and by the end of the year I decided to stop listening to my head and start listening to my heart. I decided to tell him how I felt. All my friends knew he was "in love with me" and it was quite obvious how he would take my confession.
Or was it?
The night before I was meant to go to his house, alone, I was chatting to my best friend via instant messaging and I KNEW something wasn't right. He was ignoring me, she was being edgy, something was fishy and although I didn't want to believe it, I knew he'd hooked up with someone. Just a random, revolting hookup and he couldn't even wait for me. I was hurt. My heart had been ready to envelop him and my hands had ached to hold his. If we had kissed, it would have been a sweetly longed-for meeting. But point is, he didn't wait.
I knew I wouldn't be able to deal with the mushy interactions and status updates so I took a Facebook vacation for 2 and a half weeks. By the time I got back they had started dating. And she was my best friends other best friend.
I didn't see them till December, at my best friends 21st. I took a few moments to calm down outside and swanned right in in my gorgeous heels. Awkward hugs ensued and by the time we were seated I was a shaking nervous wreck. I couldn't pour my drink and promptly ran off to the bathroom to have a good shoulder-shaking sob. Man, did it suck. What a way to celebrate my besty's 21st, right?
Crying myself to sleep for the next few weeks was so unpleasant. I suppose it helps seeing how their relationship is so revoltingly mushy. I mean that would drive me mad. Also, "I love you" after less than 2 months? And she's fat and dresses really cheaply. Not being bitter, just stating the truth. I like to think I'm over it, but if I really was would I be acting how I am now? (More on my behaviour of late in the next post) To be honest, I really don't know.
